Author Archives: The Latent Man

Urgency in the sound &Power in the Silence

“Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.”
― Leonardo da Vinci

We wait for the loudest sound before we act. Not much will clear a ball field or a swimming pool quicker than a roll of thunder or a crack of lightning. We all see it coming. The wind picks up, and the gray, angry clouds roll in, but we still sit there, watching the sky, commenting on whether we should pack up or wait it out, and finally we run for cover as the clouds spark.

There is a seeming power in sound. The throaty roll of an engine coming to life or the roar of the crowd as the cheering intensifies. We are drawn to believe that what is loudest holds the greatest power — that volume commands influence. And though there is truth in the thunder, not all strength needs to shout. Sometimes, power moves in silence, and influence flows in barely audible whispers

After the earthquake, there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a still, small voice. – 1 Kings 19:12

The most powerful forces in nature occur in the vastness of the universe. Exploding stars, massive black holes, and Gamma bursts produce unimaginable forces in absolute silence.

I think we have fallen for the folly that to be successful, you have to have a platform that makes noise. You have the bang your drum and stand before an audience of thousands to have an impact. Those ways can be good, and they have their place, but we must not forget about Betelgeuse.

Betelgeuse is a red super-giant star in the constellation of Orion, and when Betelgeuse goes supernova, it is said it will shine in our night sky brighter than the moon for several months. Everyone on Earth will look up and take notice, and will be impacted by the beauty or just be in awe of the powerful mute death of a star.

A silent hug, or a whisper of encouragement in a friends ear can feel like a supernova inside someone who is hurting. A hand on a shoulder or your best friend showing up in an ER waiting room, without saying a word, can feel indescribable.

For the ones who are hurting, God may have you where your voice is not heard, or you feel like you aren’t seen. You may believe you aren’t impacting much of anything and in those times discouragement can creep in, grip you, and tell you, you are worthless.

Take that time to listen, to look. God maybe moving in silence. Take this blog for instance, it hasn’t blown up with hundreds of followers in over the couple of years I have been posting. When I started, I imagined I’d be answering emails and messages from readers and it would take up so much of my time and I would be connecting with people from all over the world but In fact, I can admit, it only has a handful of people who even know it exists. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t carry weight or have any impact at all. Maybe God didn’t mean this platform for the world, maybe he meant it for me. There are days when I’m discouraged, and I look back and I read one of my posts, and my very own words cheer me up and give me insight. They are old thoughts in a new season, and like the immense events of the heavens, these words on the screen don’t make a sound.

If you must shout, then shout resoundingly with purpose. But if the moment allows, move with quiet intent—
For silence can strike as powerfully as sound. If you have ever witnessed heat lightning then you know the silent flashes that can wink across a summer sky. Does the lightning lose strength for not roaring like the thunder?

In your experience does the squeaky wheel get the grease or is there something to be said for for quiet authority?

Keep developing yourself and to my future self who is reading this, don’t give up, you are loved.

I thought about sharing, the sound of silence, by Simon and Garfunkel (the remake by Disturbed is amazing in my opinion but I thought this fit better, so enjoy some classic Depeche Mode.

Project Update: Not building a clock

My daughter will break into song and dance quicker than the lead in a Rodgers and Hammerstein production. One of her favorite songs is, I got the Joy Joy Joy Joy. She belts out the lyrics and jumps around with her arms flapping like a seagull taking flight. I can’t help but smile and eventually join in. I won’t be sharing that on here so don’t worry. I will be sharing my woodworking which brings me joy. So without further ado here is a long-awaited project update.

Woodworking:

I’m building this project because I actually need one. We only had one nightstand in our bedroom, and being the good husband I believe I am, I let her use it. I had been using a small end table for my nightstand, like the ones that can hold one vase of flowers and not much else. Then I realized most nightstands are made from wood and then it hit me like a 2×4 and I began to work.

This is the first time I’ve ever made a drawer and it turned out pretty well. The legs aren’t 100% square so sanding is still necessary to get everything to fit just right but as the saying goes, “I’m not building a clock.” I don’t have the project quite finished, but I’ll share the final results when I do.

Hamper Tower:

This sawdust project was requested by my wife after she saw it on Pinterest. I did some searching and found a simple design that I liked. I made the top look like a picnic table with wood slats but I may make it one solid piece before I stain it. I also may add casters to make it more mobile.

Not too long after I took these pictures my family and I sold our house and moved. My woodworking has been relegated to our small shed in the backyard so the garage can be used for parking cars or some kind of nonsense. I will share the photos of the new shop and try to make it all work in a cramped space. Find what brings you joy. Whether it’s woodworking, writing, or dancing like a chicken in the middle of a Waffle House on a cold winter night with your daughter. Do those things. You aren’t promised tomorrow and sometimes your joy brings joy to others. Until next time, keep developing yourself, and Happy New Year.

The ‘Y’ matters

Love your neighbor as yourself -Mark 12:31

If people-pleasing were an Olympic event, I’d definitely be standing on the winner’s podium. I have put others before myself for the majority of my adult life and for the most part, I see it as a virtue, something that I can hang my hat on. I nearly always acquiesce to other people’s wants and desires. They are happy and isn’t that a good thing? Wait…what? What do I want? Am I happy? Oh no, that doesn’t really matter as long as others are happy, that’s what matters, and besides, it would be selfish of me to seek my own happiness before others, wouldn’t it?

Thinking of my own happiness makes me nervous. It causes my heart to race, and my mouth to go dry. I’ve actually apologized to God for even entertaining such a, “selfish” thought.

Like a well-traveled antique suitcase, my life’s luggage is stickered with the titles of “people-pleaser”, “Fawn”, “peacekeeper” and, “codependent” and my life’s passport is stamped with “Type 9”, “INFJ”, and “INFP”. If this all sounds like nonsense I’ll leave a few links at the bottom to help make sense of it all. These monikers aren’t necessarily bad things until they are the only things that identify you.

One day I was home alone without a, “honey-do list”. I could do whatever I wanted. The problem was I didn’t know what I wanted. I walked around the house in a circle thinking of what I could do and never did any of them. Eventually, I began to guess what others would like me to do and then, like a good people-pleaser, I did those things. I realized that my identity was based on what I thought others wanted. I was trying to become a mind reader and I was failing at it. My counselor asked me once, “What do you want?” and in response, I just stared at him and after an uncomfortable amount of silence, I declared, “I don’t know.” The honest answer is I probably really do know, but the idea of thinking about my wants is really uncomfortable.

It became scary. I thought I knew who I was. I mean, I’m me, right? I don’t think I’m in the middle of some existential crisis but I think my eyes are opening to the fact that I have been living life for others so fully, that I stopped listening to myself, and even more scary, I stopped listening to God.

A few months ago I was given a book by a church counselor titled, Discover your true self by Jack Ingram. I’ve known for a long time now that God loves me but I didn’t think about how He actually values me. God gave his son to pay for me, that is how valuable I am, and if I have that kind of value, then don’t I matter? Don’t my thoughts and feelings carry weight?

As a people-pleaser, I love the scripture, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself‘. -Mark 12:31. I can do that. I love doing for others. Imagine my world crashing down when it hit me. How can I love my neighbor when I don’t know how to love myself? If I love my neighbor as myself then I’d end up ignoring him and not putting his needs first because that is how I treat myself.

The lie I believed was that to serve others meant I had to neglect myself. Treating myself poorly goes against God’s view of me; someone of immense value, someone worth the death of His son. My father-in-law, told me to live by the acrostic for JOY (Jesus, Others, Yourself.) This at first sounded good and plugged right into my way of thinking until I realized in my version, there was no ‘Y”. For the acrostic to have meaning all three letters must be there. The ‘Y’ matters, I still matter.

This lie of, I don’t matter, and I’m selfish for thinking I do, has built a stronghold in my life. Some days it completely takes me captive till I see myself as a little more than worthless. I had all but stopped writing and doing any type of woodworking. Anything I enjoyed doing was selfish until everyone and everything else had been taken care of.

The good news is God is working on the stronghold. Some days I let him tear it down more than others. He has recently blessed me with tools for my woodworking that I could not afford on my own and He has reignited the spark to write again. Not only am I worth it, but the things I create have value too.

I hope this wasn’t a Debbie Downer for you but an inspiration that you are worth more than you can ever imagine. We will never realize how much we are truly worth until the day we meet God face-to-face. He has given us some good indicators of how he feels about us. Take him at His word and stop believing the lies that are heaped on you by others and the lies we heap on ourselves. You are worth it and you are valuable.

Keep developing yourself and expect more posts from me soon.

Enneagram Type 9: The Peacemaker
Co-Dependency

https://www.16personalities.com/

Peace and…

My five-year-old daughter loves to sing. In a single car ride, she will serenade you with her renditions of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”, “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer”, and a finale of “I Love Rock n’ Roll”.

I usually enjoy the entire car seat concert but my love for my daughter’s singing prows isn’t shared by her brother. While she is belting out partially correct lyrics, my son is pleading for her to stop while he holds his hands over his ears next to her in the back seat. His pleading usually ends with him yelling, “I just want peace!”

Working as a peace officer I’ve answered numerous calls where people want me to give them what my title suggests, peace. from the neighbor’s kids with the loud go-cart or from the landscaping crew doing the lawn next door. I even had someone call 911 because a helicopter flying over was making too much noise.

As I began to think through all these incidents and back to my son’s pleading in the car, I began to realize that our cries for peace are masking what we really want, control.

My son doesn’t like what my daughter is singing not because it interrupts his peace, but because it’s not his music and it’s not him singing it. As soon as I put a song on that he likes he will begin to sing along just as loud as my daughter and when she tries to join in, he will shush her. He never wanted peace, he wanted control.

Dictionary.com’s definition of peace is to end hostilities and abstain from further fighting or antagonism. I think we are looking for more than that. Yes, it feels good to not fight but you can have tension and uneasiness and not be openly engaged in an argument or fight.

In the Bible, the word peace is mentioned a total of 328 times. What’s interesting is the word peace in the Old Testament is the Hebrew word, Shalom. While the word peace in the New Testament is the Greek word, eiréné (i-ray’-nay) Shalom means completeness, soundness, and welfare. Eiréné means one, peace, quietness, and rest.

Compare our word for peace today against the biblical definition of peace and you can see a vast difference. It’s not just the absence of conflict but it’s a complete state of being made whole. If your world were to crumble around you, control and worldly peace would fail you. But true peace isn’t only attainable it’s promised to us by God.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:7

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts you. -Isaiah 26:3

God holds this perfect peace in such high regard He is called the God of Peace ( 1 Thessalonians 5:23) and the Prince of Peace is one of many titles given to Christ in Isaiah 9:6 before his birth.

Next time you yell, “I just want some peace and quiet!”, know you are just wanting to regain control. No one can give you the peace described in the Bible aside from God and once you have it, it is amazing. As a deputy sheriff, a husband, and a father I have been in some crazy and bizarre circumstances and while others are losing their minds, I’ve found myself calm and focused. It doesn’t mean you are immune from stress or the weight of things won’t get to you. Trust me, stress and turmoil feel like they live rent-free in my life sometimes. Daily I have to turn to one or more of the verses above while massaging my temples and closing my eyes to make it through the first part of my day, and I don’t drink coffee, so prayer is appreciated. But what having that inner peace means is you’ll be able to cope better than let’s say Kramer from “Seinfeld” who repeats the mantra, “Serenity now.” when things go wrong. By the end of that particular episode, Kramer loses it as he just bottled up the anger until he eventually blew up. It wasn’t true serenity or peace.

I’ve typed it before, life isn’t easy and sometimes it downright sucks but I want you to know, that even if quiet never comes you can at least have a peace that surpasses all understanding.

I said I’d have a project update coming soon but I don’t. My woodworking tools have sat quietly in the garage while I recover from surgery. So for now I will focus more on writing and will have more to share on that front soon. I hope you all are well and you continue to develop yourself.

Shalom Shalom (Perfect Peace) my friends.

Normalized Deviation

Our bodies are pretty amazing. We can run, flip, and temporarily fly and when pushed to the pinnacle of human performance we can perform feats of extraordinary strength and beauty.

Though, just like everything else in this world, our bodies can only handle so much, and they will eventually break either by accident or by neglect.

Take a paper clip and unbend it. Now try to bend it back to its original shape. How did it turn out? You will never be able to bend it back to how it was. If we do not seek help in healing ourselves, we will be like the paper clip, mending the best we can but never really the same. We become used to walking with a slight limp or dealing with back pain and resign ourselves to this is just a part of life. It becomes a deviation from the norm and eventually becomes the norm.

The deviation of our mental health and our lives in general, just like our bodies, usually isn’t all of a sudden. It’s incremental. It’s a series of bad decisions or ignored warning signs that lead to complete disaster.

And while standing in the wreckage we look for something or someone to blame. How could this “unforeseen” tragedy happen?

Who would have thought if you ignore a problem long enough that it could possibly destroy you?

That those around you could suffer from the new norm of silence, anger, and isolation created by subtle deviations over a long period of time.

It’s hard to write this because I am there now. I have accepted the deviations from the norm in my life and though parts of my life seem to run like a well-oiled machine, other parts of my life feel like the Hindenberg burning to the ground, all because I deviated. I allowed small changes to my routine, I allowed small encroachments to boundaries I should have established, I became tired and said, I’ll do it next time. I lied and said, “It will all be okay. I’m okay.”

If you are in the midst of something like this, know you are not alone, and if you are still alive it’s not too late to get back on track. It may not be like it was before but It can still be good. If it’s not clear where you deviated, ask God to show you. Admit you messed up, show yourself some mercy, and correct your course. You may not be okay now, but you can be, especially if you seek Him.

Please reach out and talk to someone if you are in a bad place. It’s never too late.

I hope this song helps. Be on the lookout for another project update soon. It’s Spring so I hope to get back in the shop soon as well as share some more of my novel.

Keep developing yourself

Through

You missed it. The signs and arrows warned you but you were engrossed in your podcast or rocking out to Van Halen while playing air drums. Either way, you missed the signs and are traveling in a different direction than you wanted.

Your head is swaying as you frantically look for some way to change lanes. You use the turn signal (probably for the first time in a while) and honk your horn (probably not the first time in a while) and slam your hand on the steering wheel but it changes nothing. Your GPS announces it’s recalculating your route. The feminine British accent holds an inflection of condemnation you swear you’ve never noticed before. There is no way out, no shortcut to getting back to where you need to be. No, the only way, for now, is straight ahead, and whether it will be a ripple or a tsunami on your day is yet to be seen.

When our circumstances change unexpectedly our first response is to find an escape. A concoction of anger, panic, and fear stirs until like a trapped animal we claw and seethe for our freedom from the unknown. Even Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane prayed to not have to go to the cross and though not unknown to Him, his human desire was for his circumstance to change.

And He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, where He knelt down and prayed, 42 “Father if You are willing, take this cup from Me. Yet not My will, but Yours be done – Luke 22:42

The unknowns are scary. Losing a job, a loved one, or a marriage can seem like your world is crashing down around you. Family and friends may stand with you but ultimately it is you who has to stumble blindly through the unknown and though it feels like a nightmare, it’s not always bad.

Take one step back and breathe. If you can do that you are still alive and if you are still alive you have a purpose. Stop looking for a quick way out. Sometimes the quick way out means we miss out.

It’s uncomfortable for me to allow people to critique my writings. Thinking of you critiquing this post right now makes me cringe. A lot of authors claim to be thick-skinned, and whether true or not, I know I am not among them. If I take a shortcut around having my work critiqued, I could miss out on some excellent advice. Without criticism, I will not grow as a writer, a supervisor, or a dad for that matter.

What is the name

of your valley?

The term shortcuts could be interchanged with the word avoidance. Avoiding hard conversations in the present could make a situation worse later on, and if you know me well enough you know that I’m incriminating myself in this statement. Avoidance is fine when it comes to poison ivy, poisonous snakes, and poisonous relationships but when it comes to people you care about, including yourself, hard conversations have to be had and tough calls have to be made. It may not always go well. It may even get downright ugly but by going through it you will learn something about yourself and those around you. God refines us through tough times. Psalms 23:4 says Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death... It doesn’t say, though I walk around, over, or next to the valley but through the valley.

Fill in the blank: Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of_________ I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. What is the name of your valley? bankruptcy, addiction, divorce, or maybe it is death. Sometimes, the best way and the only way is through. How much more deep would our conversations be if instead of asking what are you going through, we asked, what are you avoiding today? Life is beautiful and life is ugly. We all have to go through it. For to side step life is the cruelest thing you could do to yourself, for the reward on the other side could be the best thing you’ve ever experienced. John 14:6 no one comes to the Father but through Me.

Take it from Rocky.

Tai-po

The masterful art of refusing to acknowledge a mistake.

On any given weeknight at our kitchen table, It’s possible to hear my 7-year-old son groan in frustration. “The answer is 10.” He’d say, “Why won’t you let me keep going?” He’ll avert his eyes from the math problem, and slide the homework paper, smeared with eraser marks, away from him. It’s then I’ll take a deep breath to subdue my own frustrations before methodically drawing pips on scratch paper, showing that if you have 6 pips and add 3, the answer is 9. But with the evidence of his error scribbled in graphite, he still struggles to admit his answer is wrong.
Why, when presented with clear evidence of a mistake would he continue to stick with the wrong answer? He is learning the art of Tai-Po (Typo) and to my horror, I am unwittingly his teacher, his Mr. Miyagi.

This summer I built a planter box. I figured it would be good practice and I was wanting to build something I could use. During the process, I made a slight error in one of my cuts. I eyed it for a few minutes, mulling over the idea of having to cut an entirely new piece, which would have only taken a minute or two. Instead, I decided to ignore the mistake and the simple fix. Does this line of reasoning resemble my son and the math problem? The answer is a resounding, yes.

As I continued to construct the planter, I realized the mismeasured piece was throwing everything off to greater degrees. By the time I finished, I had one corner that was out of alignment, and as I stood back to look, the mistake was pretty obvious. Like when you get done with a Lego build and flip back through the yellow instruction booklet to discover the extra piece in your hand was supposed to have been added five pages ago.

If it were anyone else I would have advised them to retrace their steps and undo everything until they got to the initial problem. Everything then would be “square” and line up. If I had done that, I wouldn’t be writing this post. Rather, I began my Tai-Po gyrations, reeling, rolling, and pirouetting to avoid the mistake. I took my orbital sander, hand planer, and wood glue, and went to work. By God, I was going to make this work on my terms!

I should have just gone back and taken the time to fix the issue instead of trying to figure out how to make things right without fixing the problem.

The odd thing about Tai-Po is sometimes you don’t realize you are practicing it. In fact, you can be a master at it and have no clue, and just like you can’t really unlearn how to ride a bike, it’s even harder to unlearn Tai-Po.

For the past month or so I’ve been trying to finish the most recent chapter in my book. I haven’t been thrilled with how It started and I drifted from the plot line, careening my story off into the ether. I told myself I’d fix it in editing and usually, this works but not this time. As I continued to write I kept getting the nagging feeling that something was wrong but in grandmaster Tai-Po form, I ignored it and kept writing. It finally left me with writer’s block and frustrated. I went back and re-read the beginning of the chapter and saw the problem. I had to change a supporting character’s personality and how he engaged with the protagonist, but to do that meant changing almost three pages of dialogue. I didn’t want to. I could make it work by forging ahead, couldn’t I? Just like the wood planter and the math problem. Ignore the problem, and forge ahead. It will turn out okay, right? Maybe, and maybe not. At the root of it all, I was afraid. I was afraid that I had done the best I could. I had done the best I could with the planter box and I had done the best I could in my writing and if I changed it, I’d never get it back.

“It is okay to lose to opponent.

It is never okay to lose to fear. “

-Mr. Miyagi

I took a deep breath and deleted a large swath of writing. As I began to rewrite the chapter I felt better and my fear vanished as I realized, I could do better. Things were lining up and becoming “square”.

What mistakes have you ignored and what was the outcome? Did it smooth itself out or like a splinter, did it fester? Is it still festering? Some of the most powerful words anyone can say is, “I was wrong.” Own it. Correct it if you can, and learn from it.

God bless. Keep up the good work and keep developing yourself.

 Trading Out               

Sometimes, you just

have to strip down

and take it all off.

This past 4th of July I did just that. Sunscreen took the place of Kevlar and flip-flops replaced combat boots. My family went on our annual vacation to the Gulf Coast and it was sorely needed.

I struggle with knowing when to pump the brakes. I will give and give and give until I have nil left. The only thing I don’t give is myself permission to stop. When I am tired I am more perceptible to, frustration, outbursts of anger, overeating, forgetfulness, doubtfulness, and overall degradation of my self-worth. Ultimately this opens the door to sin in my life. No wonder God rested on the seventh day. He didn’t need to but I believe he was setting a precedent for us. God created us for many things, including rest.

In some misaligned train of thought, I’ve told myself by working constantly, I am doing good, and in turn, I will gain acceptance by others. If someone else is working around me, I cannot relax. I must get up and work until they rest. Couple that feeling with an inability to stay focused, especially when I am tired, and my goals and dreams are easily derailed. I am someone who is constantly working but never finishing. I am Sisyphus, never seeming to get the bolder to the top. Always doing, never finishing. My novel is just one such example.

This is not a revelation to me. I’ve known this about myself for a while and I’ve taught myself strategies to finish, though the struggle is daily. I’ve realized that even if I don’t need a break, my family does, and in giving them a break, I was actually the one in need of it most. We have a saying in law enforcement, you can’t help anyone if you don’t arrive safely. If you don’t take time to rest, you will burn out and you will not be there for those who need you.

So today, identify what you need to trade out. What self-made burdens can you cast off, even for a moment? If you struggle with finishing, I highly recommend the book, Finish, by Jon Acuff. Give it a look and keep on developing yourself, even if that means sitting down for a moment.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matt. 11-28

Suburban Skullduggery

Warren G. Harding warned us about “Soapbox agitation” but I must apologize Mr. President as I dust off this derelict idiom and dive into this rant.

To the mom in the car line at my local elementary school, your car with the skull and cross bones next to the student of the month sticker is not a F-14 Tomcat. Your vehicle may be filled with heathen children that can destroy a house in a matter of minutes, but decorating your car as if it were an engine of death isn’t scaring anyone and in my opinion, looks a bit ridiculous.

Back in the day, dragons were carved on ships, wolves emblazoned on shields, and double-headed eagles stitched on heraldry all to draw upon fear, strength, and power to telegraph a general sense of badassery. Faced with invasion at any moment our ancestors had to scare anyone who thought of leering in their direction. But, in 2022, what is the soccer mom in the Honda Odyssey sporting a bleached skull on the back glass trying to convey?

Why do we use dead things to show strength? Why sew skulls onto our sleeves and ink them into our skin? Wouldn’t something living be more powerful? Wouldn’t it show that we survived what came our way? We go out of our way to create a persona of strength, a vitae of toughness. Are they true emblems of accomplishments or are we trying to scare others, or more importantly, are we afraid?

Let your life show your strength and let your actions speak for themselves. Unless you are planning to commit piracy in your minivan with a toy-strewn back seat, leave the Jolly Roger flags and bullet hole stickers off your car.

I have one caveat to this train of thought. If you are active military or a veteran or a first responder, or someone who risks their life to serve others, wear your patches proudly. You are warriors carrying on the legacy of those who went before you, who carried the dragon banners and wolf-painted shields.

Have you, or are you, putting on a persona to make people see you a certain way? How far did you go with it and why?

Keep developing yourself and enjoy some Danger Zone.