Mercy beyond the Mirror

“Payback is a b!t@#.”, you think as the slick state trooper interceptor pounces, its LED lights blistering the air in bursts of brilliant blue, closing the distance on a silver sports car that nearly blew your doors off a half-mile back.

It would be a safe bet that you would be happy, if not ecstatic in that circumstance. “He got what he deserved.” or, “that’ll teach him.” With a show of virtual hands, how many of you would take joy, smile, or even roll down the window and offer up a gesture?

It’s natural to cry out for revenge, for our pound of flesh for the wrongs perpetrated upon us, but the Bible is full of, “turn the other cheek” references. The cop part of me is always looking to catch the bad guy and make him pay. It’s the ‘paying’ part that trips me up. I was told at the start of the police academy that it is not your job to punish, that is for the courts.

I helped to catch a child pornographer a few years back. To simply describe the experience as ‘bad’ would be like saying Niagra falls is a drip of water. I found satisfaction in doing my job even though I delved into depravity that makes me shudder. Ultimately, the suspect took a plea deal which was followed up by the district attorney’s office calling to congratulate me on helping get the conviction. I pretended to be happy but, I wasn’t. You see, he got ten years, serve three. Three years for what he did. I was mad. How could someone so evil, so malignant be allowed to walk in three years? “It’s not enough!” I remember telling God. I am ashamed to admit but I hoped the three years he was incarcerated was a living hell for him. I didn’t want redemption for him, I wanted him to suffer.

God spoke to my heart in the months and years that followed, telling me that when he wants me to forgive, he also means the child pornographer. I didn’t want to, I fought it. No one would blame me if the grudge I held was against him but in the end, who am I to tell God what was fair and what was not. The entire book of Job is a good lesson in that. I asked God to help me forgive. I’m not totally there yet, It’s going to take a while. I doubt I’ll ever get over what I saw, but I’m getting there.

Don’t read me wrong here. I believe in consequences for your actions. Discipline is natural and necessary. It reflects what we as a society hold most valuable. Though the connotation of discipline has gotten a bad rap, it’s not always negative. In fact, discipline means, training that corrects. I discipline my kids when they do wrong, not because I want to be sadistic and see them suffer, but because I love them enough to correct them, just as God corrects his followers when we are disobedient to Him. It can be a loving act that means as much as a hug, it just doesn’t feel as nice.

It’s when we take that extra step turning discipline into vengeance. That is when we begin to take on the form of that which we hate. Not only catching the bad guy but making him pay, and feeling good about it. We are quick to call for the head of the wrongdoer but even quicker to cry for mercy when it is our own head on the chopping block. I believe the only person we truly want complete mercy for is the face in the mirror. We must be taught to extend it to others. We don’t deserve God’s mercy, one iota of a percent but, he pours it out to us.

In writing this I am ousting myself. I yearn for those who hurt others to also hurt, and in the process, I forget about redemption and mercy. The following lyrics of ‘Had Enough‘ by Breaking Benjamin sums up the vengeful feelings:

When all is said and done
I will be the one
To leave you in the misery and hate what you’ve become

When a crime is committed, especially those that are most heinous, the victim and those close to him aren’t the only ones who suffer. When the gavel strikes and the penitence clock ticks, another life is lost too. As the perpetrator is chained and taken away, whether we want to accept it or not, someone will miss him (or her, to be fair). Kids, parents, and spouses are left to wonder where and how it all went wrong, and how do they shoulder what their loved one has become?

We should not take any pleasure in the downfall of our enemy, only find pleasance and comfort that the destruction is over, and while picking up the pieces of shattered lives, we can find reconciliation, repentance, and redemption for everyone.

Now, you may ask, do I really believe this? What about serial killers and men who seem to embody pure evil? What about monsters that molest babies, do I wish redemption for them? What if a drunk driver kills my family, will I not find satisfaction in the punishment of the offender? I know only how my flesh would respond, and in the atmosphere of law enforcement, it’s sevenfold higher; Hunt the criminals down and hang them high, they deserve it.

In writing this entry I can only hope it has given me, and you, a time to pause and think and when I leave the next courtroom or pass by the speeder who just got pulled over, I will say a prayer for them as well, Lord knows it couldn’t hurt.

God bless and keep developing yourself.